Today is Day 16 of my fast from social media.
It still feels weird to me to say I'm fasting from social media.
FACEBOOK.
INSTAGRAM.
I have so many thoughts on this fast, and the many things that have been revealed to me by giving it up for a 3 week period.
First thought: I didn't think I was addicted to social media, and I was very wrong. I don't use the word addicted lightly. I have thought about this long and hard, and I can say with full confidence, that I was straight up addicted to social media.
Here's why I believe I was addicted...
- It was the first thing I checked as soon as my eyes opened in the morning. Heck, sometimes when I awoke in the middle of the night, I would just pop in to see what I missed while I was sleeping.
- It was what I used to fill my time.
- I used it agressively and abundantly.
- I longed for more LIKES on posts and pictures. I felt AMAZING when those likes came through.
- I felt jealous when I saw my friends doing awesome things or when I saw former co-workers succeeding and I was not.
- I snapped at my kids because they bothered me when I was trying to put out a "really important post."
- I scrolled mindlessly when I waited in school pick up lines, while I waited at restaurants, while I was riding in the car with my husband and/or family.
- I let social media fill my need for human connection and human interaction.
Social media filled a big space in my life.
And it took removing it from my life for an extended period of time to see just what an impact and hold it had on my life.
Many of you have asked how I feel without social media. Well, let me tell you...
I feel amazing.
I feel lighter.
I feel more connected to myself and less connected to everything else around me.
My word for 2019 is JOY.
2018 was one of the best years of my life, but it was also one of the most challenging for myself. I floated between so many different feelings, and stuffed a lot down.
In 2018, I forgot how to smile. I forgot how to have fun. I forgot how to find the beauty in everything around me.
And those things that I forgot to do affected my relationships with my husband and my kids, it affected my ability to mother well and it trickled down to affecting the people around me...those that mattered most: my family and my friends.
On January 2nd, I said out loud for the first time what I was missing and what I wanted so badly to come back into my life....JOY. I decided that day to let go of social media. And I decided to grab a hold of JOY.
It took a solid week before I stopped going to that spot where my facebook app sat on my phone. I noticed that sometimes I just picked up my phone for no reason and went straight to that facebook placeholder.
For absolutely no reason.
What in the heck was I looking for?
I found out that I actually DO have time to do the things I have been putting off because I "don't have time...." I read 3 books. I organized my closet. I connected with friends over lunch. I had great conversations with my kids. I worked out. I made dinner almost every single night. I laid in my bed and talked until midnight with my husband. I made goals - simple and attainable goals and then came up with plans to achieve them. I hiked and then hiked some more. I opened my Bible and began reading again - and instead of going to facebook first thing in the morning, I go to my Bible app and take in His word before my feet even hit the ground.
THESE are things that bring me joy, y'all.
Not mindless scrolling. Or wasting time. Or staying connected 24/7.
And by losing those things and spending time doing things that truly matter or things I REALLY love and enjoy, I found my smile again.
I will never forget when my husband said something funny to me and I turned around and smiled at him, and he said: "THERE YOU ARE. I've missed that smile." It still makes me cry thinking about that...but happy tears.
Or when Birdie was busy drawing portraits of her family like she does multiple times a day, and she was working particularly hard on one of me. She yelled for me to come see it, and she beamed with pride when she showed it to me. "I drew you wif a smile, mama!" You see, she's always been drawing me with a straight line for a mouth. And now she draws me with a smile.
It felt like God was speaking directly to me through this tiny, smiley little 3 year old.
I really miss the connection of facebook and instagram -- I miss seeing my friends' posts and connecting with them quickly and easily. It's forced me to be way more intentional about connecting with my friends -- I literally have no idea what's going on in their lives, so I have to ask for a lunch or coffee date and actually CATCH UP with them. It's amazing and somewhat frustrating at the same time.
So what do I do now?
I am not really sure. But I know that I feel too good to bring it all back into my life right now. I know social media can be used for good, and I know lots of people use it wisely and for amazing things. But right now, I am unsure of how Lena can do that.
So for now, I'll keep doing what I've been doing for the past 3 weeks.
And loving every single minute of it.
For those of you that do want to reach me, I am available via email:
lenahallwrites (at) gmail (dot) com
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